


boats against the current

by sparrabethington



Category: Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby (2013)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Nick is depressed, idk what else to say thats it, post jay’s death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:27:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22343305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparrabethington/pseuds/sparrabethington
Summary: Jay Gatsby had left Nick’s life just as quickly as he had entered it.
Relationships: Nick Carraway & Jay Gatsby, Nick Carraway/Jay Gatsby
Comments: 1
Kudos: 37





	boats against the current

Jay Gatsby had left Nick’s life just as quickly as he had entered it.

It was entirely impossible to believe that it was only about a month earlier that Nick had caught glances of a figure in the window of the mansion next door. He attended his first city-renown “Gatsby party” and met the face behind the name— a handsome face, one he came to enjoy immensely— and soon knew him as a friend rather than a host. After acquainted Nick became hypnotically fond of this mysterious, reckless gentleman whom Nick’s summer began to revolve around.

As Nick lay miserably next to Jay’s casket, he recounted the parties and the late nights and the lunches and outings and time the two carelessly spent together. Nick’s mind hovered over how longingly he would gaze at his friend while he was kissing Daisy. He recalled with a heavy heart how often he’d glanced at his cousin and wished with every fiber of his being that it was he Jay was clinging to instead. His blood turned icy knowing that all he ever got to be was a wingman.

Occasionally Nick remembered how sometimes Jay would linger just a little too long after a hug, or how sometimes he’d bring their faces dangerously close just to whisper. He thought of how sometimes Jay’s gaze seemed fixed on Nick when he wasn’t looking, and how every once in a while he’d open his mouth to say something, but close it and smile instead.

Nick yearned for these simpler days. He wishes he could still smell the distinct cologne Jay would wear when they went out, and wishes for the first time ever that he was taking part in Jay’s brilliant displays of his wealth. Whether it was speeding past onlookers in his yellow Rolls-Royce or downing drinks at his parties, a Nick from the past would regard him with scorn if he knew he missed the ridiculousness that was Jay Gatsby.

He loved him; of this, Nick was sure. He’d feverishly denied himself of it until he heard the gunshot over the phone and felt his world crumble to pieces around him. He hardly remembered that day, even now. Jay looked brilliant in the sun on that morning he died before Nick had left him. This he did remember. Jay was glowing when the sunshine hit him and made sunshine of his own when he smiled and asked Nick to swim with him. And if Nick hadn’t foolishly declined he supposed his entire life could be different.

It was torturous knowing that he heard his friend die. He heard the shot crack in the air every time he closed his eyes and could swear that he saw Jay face-down in the water whenever he tried to sleep. He could still feel the phone in his hand and his heart ceasing to beat when he came to realize that Jay was gone on the other end. This man he’d been thoroughly enchanted by for the better part of the summer lay dead practically in front of him and it was far too much.

Nick curled further into himself by Jay’s body. Nobody else had came to his funeral, not even to stop by and pay their respects for a minute or two. He was filled with hatred for every party guest Jay had ever had, but simultaneously he was thankful for a few more moments alone with him. 

Tears steadily began to fall from his eyes. Nick wept silently to himself on the staircase, wishing in that moment that he’d never even set foot on Jay’s ludicrously well-kept lawn. He felt solace in knowing he owed the man the best summer of his life, but melancholy knowing he could never repay him. Nick started to sob, for his life had been taken right along with Jay’s in that bloodstained water, but his love he knew would be eternal.


End file.
